There is nothing better than the feeling you get knowing that you will be expanding your family and that you are growing a new life inside of you. The excitement, joy, anxiety, and nervousness you feel all at once. You think everything is perfect! Then one day it all ends in a bloody massacre. Your devastated, have so many unanswered questions, and are so confused.
This is what happened to me this weekend. Late Saturday night I started bleeding. I called the doctor and she told me that a little blood could be nothing but if it continued and got heavier that I was probably going to miscarry and there was nothing they could do to stop it. She said that if I had major right or left side pain, indicating a tubal pregnancy, to go to the hospital immediately. Other than that it was just a waiting game and if the bleeding stopped or stayed light to call the office on Monday and get my appointment moved to this week and they would check everything out and verify the baby was okay.
Yesterday morning was devastating. The bleeding continued and then the cramping and pain followed close behind. I knew it was over. I spent a majority of my day on pain meds and laying down. The worst part is that I knew this just wasn’t my period, it was my baby. With each bathroom visit I lost more and more of the life that was growing inside of me. The life I created was slowly disappearing. And the reality of the loss really set in. I don’t know what went wrong and it is such a horrible feeling to have. I know there is nothing I could have done to prevent this from happening but that really doesn’t help the way I feel right now. I feel gyped! I feel my family got gyped and I don’t know why.
I will be contacting my doctor today to see what we can do from here. Hopefully I can get some answers. For now I am trying to stay positive and that is proving to be a very difficult task for me. I am trying to stay focused on my health. I am a believer that things happen for a reason but I can’t find the reasons for this one. I am so very grateful for my beautiful wife and daughter and I am forever blessed with the love we have but I would really love to expand that love to another child.
We will see what the future holds. For now I am taking it all one day at a time.