How I got here and how I keep going.

31 Mar

I want to share a comment that one of my readers left me and share my reply.  K J and the kids (who has and awesome blog HERE) asks:

“PLEASE tell me how you wrapped your mind around all of this ? I SOOOOO want to be in the same place as you mentally. How did you hit rock bottom and more importantly where in the hell do you get your inspiration ? 33 lbs in 2 years I’ve gained.    I’m miserable.  and yet I still eat like shit. HELP !”

So where do I start……….

I have always been a petite girl.  I was always small and for the most part thin.  In my early 20’s I was a size 4.  As I got older I gained weight much easier than before, yes normal I know, but I still didn’t think much of it and never did anything about it.  I worked doing nursing and was on the go all the time and didn’t eat regularly and was always eating on the run when I did.  About 11 years ago I started a desk job and that is when I started to battle weight.  It was gradual but I was gaining since I was no longer on the move.

After gaining some weight I started doing all kinds of the fad diets – no carbs or low-fat or adding fat burners or adding stackers or green tea or chromium – whatever I heard would help – I tried.  About 7 years ago was the heaviest I ever was at around 170.  I am only 5’1″ so that did not look good on me!  I then decided to take phentermine to drop the weight and it worked like a charm.  Dropped weight like crazy and was down to a size 6.  I stayed here for about a year and a half and then I met D.  I was happy and skinny and life was great.

I never changed the way I lived my life and I never changed the foods I ate.  As the years past I gained all the weight back.  By January 2009 I was back at 160 pounds.  I then got pregnant with baby J.  I knew I was already overweight and tried my hardest to make sure I didn’t gain too much more while pregnant.  I gained a total of 32 pounds with her.  This pic was at about 7 months pregnant.  So add a bit more to that.

After she was born I pumped breast milk.  While pumping and taking care of her I was able to get back down to 160 within two months.  I continued to pump until she was 8 months old and I was still at 160 pounds.  I decided it was time to drop the weight again.  I started phentermine again and got down to 130.  I was good there and stopped taking it.  Over the past year I gained weight again and that brings me to January 2012 and my weight was 144.

I finally make a decision that I was tired of being fat.  I was tired of having an entire closet full of clothes that I couldn’t wear because my fat rolls hung out and I couldn’t squeeze my fat ass into those little jeans anymore.  I didn’t feel sexy for my wife anymore and I didn’t feel sexy for myself anymore.  My wardrobe consisted of long shorts and t-shirts and I was tired of looking like a rag mop.  I was also tired of seeing how fat I was in pictures.  I was wearing my old maternity shirts so I looked skinnier.  Sad, Right!  I knew I needed to take control over my life and weight.  I also noticed baby J ate nothing but the crap food I ate and wouldn’t sit and eat a normal meal, EVER!  I was my daughters role model and I was doing a really shitty job!  It was time to change.

I wasn’t going to diet – I was going to change my lifestyle!

When I finally wrap my head around doing something, I try to learn as much as I can about it.  So I started to read.  I read online about how to lose weight.  I found an app on my phone called myfitnesspal.  It is a calorie counter app.  What I liked most of all is it has a bar code scanner so I don’t have to manually enter the data of the foods I eat I can just scan the bar code on the package and I am done.  I really believe this made all the difference to me.  It made it easy to keep track of what I ate.  You can also use it online and add foods that way and it will communitcate back to your phone and vise versa.

I looked into weight watchers and it was just to complicated to try to track my points or I was just to lazy to do it that way, one of the two.  So I read more and found that I was making things so much more complicated than they need to be – just count calories!

I found it easiest to watch the calories I eat.  This means I can eat whatever I want as along as I have enough calories in the day to eat them.  I didn’t have the “you can’t eat that” hanging over my head.  I had no restrictions except for the amount of calories I took in.  I put myself on 1200 calories a day.  This is not a lot of calories but I eat back the calories I burn when I work out.  So here is the concept.  I have 1200 to start with, I run and burn 500 calories, I now have 1700 calories to eat that day.  If I don’t get my ass out there an workout then I dont get to eat more than 1200 calories.  1700 is a lot more calories and I very rarely eat that many calories but I can if I want to and in the beginning I did.  I ate every calorie I had to use.   So if I want chocolate – I eat it and I put it in my diary and I deduct it from my calories.  If I want a cookie, cake, pie or whatever – I eat it and I put it in my diary and deduct it from my calories.  If I run out of calories then I am done eating for the day or I need to workout to get more calories to eat.  Really it is that simple of a concept.  The hard part is sticking to it.

I quickly found that I was more aware of the foods I ate.  Suddenly that cookie that has 150 calories was no longer worth it to me.  Why am I going to waste 150 calories on one cookie when I can have a use those calories for something else?  So without even being aware of what I was doing I was controlling what I was eating and making healthier choices.  Junk food has more calories – healthy foods have fewer calories.  This means I can eat more if I eat healthier.  WOW what a concept, right?  LOL

I also needed to make time for myself and to workout.  I started off slow and worked up to more intense workouts.  I didn’t want to burn myself out and fail at this.  How was I going to add in an hour of time for myself and for my workout?  Well I started by walking with baby J in the stroller.  I did this at her nap time and that gave me extra time to walk since she was asleep.  I could get in 4 miles while she napped.  Or I would walk on the treadmill while she watched her cartoons.  I had to MAKE it a priority to take the time for myself.  This is not easy.  This was my biggest hurdle.  I felt selfish and felt like I should be spending time with my family.  Then I realized if I am not healthy then I do my family no good at all.  I also needed to make myself get off the computer long enough to get my workout in.  I have a sign hanging that says “If there is time to blog, there is time to workout”.  This is what I follow.  I can blog AFTER I workout.  I hung inspirational pictures up to make me want to workout and keep me focused on being heathy and getting back in shape.

I started to follow Jillian Michaels.  I think she is a genius – not to mention gorgeous!  I mean seriously – who would not want to look like her.

Beautiful, tone, fit, sexy – absolutely gorgeous!

I wished I could look like her but never thought I could because I am so short and stocky.  Then I found out that she is the same size I am.  *LIGHTBULB*  If she can look like that then I can do.  This is one of my favorite pics of her and this is my motivation picture.  I want to look like this in my work clothes – not gut roll hanging out.

I also got rid of all the junk food in my house and replaced it with healthy foods.  D was not a fan of this move but she was supportive of my efforts.  Baby J was just confused because she had no more crap food to eat  I measure EVERYTHING I eat and I mean everything!  I cook at home and if I go out I go online and check the calories of the foods I am going to eat before I go.  This helps keep me in my calorie range for the day and not binge when we eat out.  I also watch the sodium I eat and I cut out beer for now.  I have told everyone that I am not drinking and eating healthy.  I also tell them I am not on a diet – I am changing my lifestyle.  I do not consider myself to be dieting.  I consider myself as changing the way I live and changing the way my family lives and eats.  Since I have been eating healthier and eating more meals so is baby J.  She is eating much better and she is eating healthier as well.    I know I am a better role model for my daughter and that makes me feel like I doing what is best for her.

To stay motivated I flood myself with motivational pictures and quotes.  I have tons of pics in my office.  I have tons of pics on my laptop.  I hold myself accountable on this blog.   I made friends with others that are changing their lives the way I am changing mine.  I have a community of friends on that keep me motivated.    I keep track of my workouts on  and have a community of friends and motivation there as well.   I read Jillian Micheals book “Winning by losing” and I listen to her podcasts while I workout.  I am starting to feel sexy again and my wife has taken notice of my weight loss and that makes me feel wonderful.  All of this keeps me going.

You can follow me on myfitnesspal HERE  and you can follow me on endomondo HERE.

If I can do this, you can do it to.  🙂

And this is my motto that I keep repeating every time I workout and feel like stopping because I am tired or sore or just being lazy.

Then I picture Jillian screaming it at me as I run.  LOL


Posted by on March 31, 2012 in weight loss


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4 responses to “How I got here and how I keep going.

  1. Lacey

    March 31, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Love the inspirational graphics! Keep up the good work!

  2. Terry Tarte

    March 31, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    Inspiring! Keep up the good work – it shows!! 😉

  3. KJ and the Kids

    March 31, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    I just don’t know. I’ve done a version of this….but it just kills me to change my lifestyle (bad eating habits) completely. and I really really love me some beer too.
    I need it.
    Not all of the time…but every once in a while.
    I agree….I want to be a better example for my kids. The whole thing just seems like too much work for me.
    I don’t have an i-phone for the apps but your program is basically weight watchers but calories instead of points.

    Thank you so much for posting this. I’m going to read it again and again and look at your posters and hope that something will stick.


    • Two Moms

      March 31, 2012 at 7:55 pm

      I love beer too and I totally understand. You can still have beer – just count it. There are alot of people who still will drink beer. I cut it out because it makes me retain water and wasnt helping. 🙂

      Yes it is the same as weight watcher but calories instead and its free. The computer program is free and so is the app. I dont have an i-phone either. I just have an android and I can get the app on that.

      If you put your mind to it you can do it. You just have to do it! I will keep posting so you have more inspiration to look at. 🙂


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