This is going to be short since I am really not in the mood to talk to much.
I had my doctors appointment today. I am 7 weeks 6 days along – 1 day shy of 8 weeks. Today started out great. D and baby J and I headed out to the doctors to see our baby. We got there, filled out papers, and waited our turn. Finally we got called back.
The ultrasound tech started with an abdominal scan and said she couldn’t see enough, so we switched to trans vaginal. I knew instantly that something was wrong. There on the screen was the same picture we saw 2 weeks ago – there was the gestational sac and yolk sac and no heartbeat. The tech didn’t say a word. D didn’t say a word. I finally said “that’s not good” and the tech agreed. She said there should be a heartbeat and there wasn’t. She couldn’t find anything but the yolk sac. She said the baby stopped growing and that I would likely miscarry again. She then said we needed to see the doctor again.
The doctor came in and told us how sorry she was. She then said she could give me a pill to help start the miscarriage or I could wait it out. I just could not in my heart take a pill to start it. I told her I would like to wait it out. She said that she wants to see me back in 2 weeks and if I have not miscarried by then we would have to start it or do a d&c. Neither of which I want to do or am willing to accept right now.
I held it together long enough to get out to the car. The drive home was very quiet. Baby J fell asleep in the car and D and I were just speechless. We just held each others hand and was comforted by the touch we shared while driving. At this point I have no idea what to think. I would like to believe the doctor is wrong and that my baby will just start growing and we will go back in and hear a heartbeat but I know that is not realistic. I do not feel like I am going to miscarry as of today. I am still sick and lightheaded on a daily basis. I am not cramping or bleeding. I know this can all change overnight but right now I don’t feel it. I have shed many, many tears today and I am trying to stay somewhat optimistic but this is proving to be difficult to do.
I have read online that there are ladies who have misdiagnosed miscarriages. They were told there is no heartbeat and they should miscarry and then a week later there it is. The baby, the heartbeat, the miracle. I know this is a long shot but I do believe in miracles. At this point there is nothing I can do. It is all in Gods hands. It will be what it will be and I have to have faith in whatever outcome it is. I want to pray for a miracle but right now I a praying for Gods will to be done and the strength to cope with whatever may come.