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Figuring it all out

18 Apr

I have been meaning to write an update to the pregnancy and MTHFR post.  We have just been busy and I have not had a chance to sit and write it – so here we go.

We went to an infertility doctor and we kind of hit a dead end.  He was actually impressed by how we are using the instead cups and getting pregnant.  Actually said he was probably going to use that as recommendation for some of his patients.  LOL  He also said that since I was getting pregnant usually within 3 cycles(with the exception of baby J) that he didn’t want to do an IUI on me and said that what we are doing is working and that we should continue to do that.  He said that the odds of the IUI are no more than what my odds have been getting pregnant as fast as I have been and that actually the IUI odd are only 15% on average.  Totally blew me away with that one.  So he told me to go ahead and try this next cycle coming up if we were ready and also said that my odds of having a normal pregnancy again after 3 in a row is 75%.  Again blew me away with this one.

When I asked about the MTHFR he said that if I only have 1 mutation then the supplements that I am taking is a 100% cure for that.  He said that if there are 2 mutations then that is a little different story and usually requires the levonox injections (blood thinners) along with the supplements.  He also explained the MTHFR to me a little better.  He said to look at it like gardening.  When the egg starts to implant it is like a seed in the dirt.  The seed starts to root and has all of these little roots to hold it in place and the roots provide food to the seed.  He said the egg is the same way.  Once it implants it starts to get all the veins and arteries that attach into the side of the uterus and the placenta holding it in place and providing blood to the egg.  He said that the MTHFR makes my body send signals to clot those roots off and this cuts off the blood supply to the egg and essentially kills it.   Very interesting way of looking at it but it makes sense.

He started talking about how a normal cycle works and the ovulation blah blah blah  all the stuff we already know.  He told me I had a type A personality and I was very OCD about my cycles.  I told him I kind of have to and he laughed and agreed. Then said that most women that have infertility problems are type A personalities.  Funny how that is the case.  The ones that want the most control have none.  Go figure.

So then he said that woman are born with all the eggs they will ever have.  Knew that – and that just because I am 33 doesn’t mean my body and my eggs think I am 33 and that sometimes women go into early menopause.  I am not showing any of these signs but he said I didn’t have to be showing signs of it for it to happen in 5 years.  This puts my odds of having a successful pregnancy lower on the graph.  Essentially once you hit 35 your odds of a successful pregnancy decline until you hit about 49 and go into menopause.  He said that if my body and eggs think I am 43 and not 33 then I am further on that curve than what I should be and we need to shift the whole chart over 10 years.  Meaning even though I am 33 I may have the odd of a 43 year old to carry another successful pregnancy.  Make sense?  So there is a test to see where I am and we did blood work for that to see where I fall. They call this the ovarian reserve.  Also did blood work for something else and I can’t recall it right now but it had to do with my eggs as well.

We have had so many ups and downs and we have talked about what we want to do and how we want to move forward from here. After long talks about what we wanted and what we would have to do to get there we finally made a decision. We have decided that we will not be trying for any more kids.

We have talked about this and we have just come to the conclusion that in the end it is just not worth putting me, my health, the baby and our family through another pregnancy.  I know that I can take the meds and/or blood thinners and have a healthy pregnancy but I also know that if I get pregnant that I will have a miserable 10 months ahead of me.  Every ultrasound will be a constant “is the baby still alive”.  Every week will be “is there a kick,is there movement, do you think we will have a heartbeat at the next ultrasound”.  Every day will be “is this the day I will start to bleed and miscarry”.  I know that it will not be a happy pregnancy due to the many “what if’s”.  And worst case scenario what if I get through till the third trimester and at 30 weeks the baby dies.  I would have to deliver a still born child and I know I would not be able to do that and be the same afterwards.  I just cannot do this to myself and my family.  To me it is just not worth it.  I was a complete mess for the 3 weeks when we didn’t know what was going on with the last baby and I just cannot do that for 10 months.  With as much as I would love to have another child I cannot chance the what ifs and the unknowns. We will not be going to see the paranatologist and we will not be seeing any further doctors regarding all of this.

D and I have been blessed with one beautiful and healthy baby girl and we are so very grateful for that.  I truly believe she is our little miracle baby and she was meant to be here and ours.  So if that is the only child we ever have then I am perfectly fine with that.  I have always wanted to be a mom and I am one and I am happy.  Baby J has made us a family and we will be content in knowing that she will be our only child.  We have come to peace with that and feel we have made the right decision to not have any more.

 

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7 Comments

Posted by on April 18, 2013 in children

 

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7 responses to “Figuring it all out

  1. loseitbig

    April 18, 2013 at 2:48 pm

    I like your last paragraph…stay positive. Good Luck.

     
  2. Terry

    April 18, 2013 at 4:53 pm

    You have a wonderful way with words. I think it is time that you wrote a book!

    In the midst of being sad about the results of testing, I am very happy for you. I am glad that you are comfortable with your decision and wish you all the best!

    Lots of love to you and D and J!!!

     
  3. KJ and the Kids

    April 18, 2013 at 5:50 pm

    Thank you for explaining it in layman’s terms for me. The seed and roots really cleared it up in my head.
    I’m sorry that after all of the percentages and research….it didn’t result in you trying again.
    Take care of you.

     
  4. glamcookie

    April 18, 2013 at 6:48 pm

    It sounds like you are all in a very good headspace with this and that is wonderful. When we were trying for #2, I honestly felt like if it didn’t happen, we’d still be a happy and complete family of 3. And I know you will be, too. Hugs to you, friend!

     
  5. Brittany

    April 18, 2013 at 8:24 pm

    I’m glad you two made the right decision for your family but sad to see you stop trying :(. Good luck with everything!

     
  6. Joe Ehrich

    April 22, 2013 at 12:34 pm

    It all comes back to family because that is what matters. You guys have most definitely been blessed with Baby J. I could easily say that she is the most adorable kid in FL, as far as I know. The thing about control that you stated is so true!! Just because this chapter is over doesn’t mean you haven’t done anything with it. It just means that you get to start a fresh new chapter!! I love you guys and always will!!

     
  7. gaybyjourney

    April 29, 2013 at 11:58 pm

    Wow what a big decision you have made and well done for being able to see the positive side of everything – your beautiful baby J! I wish you all the best with the next journey of your lives.

     

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