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Heartbroken

23 May

Yesterday the system proved to be yet another worthless government agency!!!  After being personally attached by the GAL’s attorney as to how I am selfish for not taking in all 3 kids and now that I got the 1 I wanted I didn’t want anything to do with the other 2 and I was keeping little man from his siblings, the judge ordered me to take him back to the group home to be with his siblings.

I was not given the opportunity to defend myself so I interrupted and said my peace.  I have been the only person consistent in these kids’ lives.  I have taken all three of these kids over and over again in the past 2 ½ years.  I have done everything in my power to try to keep these kids together and in the family.  I have fought took and nail for these kids when no one else has.  Two weeks ago was mother’s day weekend and I had family in town and last weekend we were out of town for races.  I called on Monday to see if I could take all the kids out for dinner and I was told no because they didn’t want me to see them until after the hearing yesterday because it was too confusing for the kids.  I disagree but I lose again.

I know splitting up a sibling group is not the first thing people want to do.  I get that.  I am not saying these kids don’t have a sibling bond and that all they have is each other.  I know that.  But wouldn’t it be more beneficial for the children to stay in the family.  A family that loves them and cares about them and would allow them to always stay in constant contact with each other at any cost!  We have three families that want these kids and want to keep them in the family and love them forever.  I don’t see how that would be detrimental to them.

So last night I had to pack up all of little man’s belonging and take him back.  It was absolutely horrible. He cried and cried and cried.  I told him we were going to see his brother and sister and he screamed “I don’t want to go back.  I want to stay here with you.  I don’t want to go back.”  I heard this for the entire 30 minute drive.  I tried to explain to him that I didn’t want to take him back and that I loved him and wanted him to stay but I didn’t have a choice, I had to take him back.  He didn’t understand.  When we got to the place he screamed louder.  The guy tried to console him and he wouldn’t have anything to do with him.  He clung to my leg and tried his best to climb up me as fast as he could.  The guy went to get little man’s brother and he screamed again “I don’t want you.  I don’t want to be here.  I want to go home.”  It was heartbreaking and I cried just as much as he did.  I finally had to pry him off of me and hand him over to the guy.  It was horrible.  I felt so bad for him.

Baby J has asked several times why did I take him back and if we can go get him again.  She keeps telling me she wants him back and she wants him to live with us and be her brother.  I tried to explain that mommy didn’t have a choice and the judge made me take him back and she just doesn’t understand.  This morning she asked if we could go get him and bring him home.  I really wish I could.

So the end result is that the judge ordered him to go back and is refusing to make any placement decisions until after the TPR hearing next week.  If the father doesn’t show up then his rights are terminated and he will order the kids to be placed up for adoption.  If the father shows up and fights then the judge will order a trial date for the end of July.  After that it will take another 30 days to appeal and TPR so we are looking at the end of August.  At that time the GAL wants all the kids to be put up for adoption as a sibling group outside the family.  If they cannot find a home for all three then they would consider splitting them up then.  I asked how long they will make them sit in the system and wait while they try to find a home for them and I was told they do not want to rush the process and could not give me a definite answer.  Literally they could sit in the system for another year or more.  The oldest is 11 and the middle is 5.  How much longer do you want these kids to wait around?

Now the judge has the right to let us have placement of him at any point in time but agreed that they should be placed as a sibling group.  So even if he would allow us to have placement of him next week they would still place them up as a sibling group once the TPR is done and we would have to go through all of this again at that point.  That is a big IF on whether the judge will even split them up next week.  No one knows.

I really don’t get it all and I will not put my family and these kids through all of this again.  I want these kids to stay in our family but I don’t have a say in it.  The system is failing these kids and no one seems to think there is anything wrong with the way this is being handled.  These people are making decisions on these kids based on paper.  None of them have ever even met these kids and they seem to think they know what is best.  It’s so frustrating.

The mother is in prison for abandoning the kids.  The father just got out of jail for stabbing a guy.  Yup these are real winners here.  Our family has been through the ringer with all this and they are continuing to drag us through it and in the end want to rip these kids out of our family just for the sake of keeping them together as a sibling group.

Maybe I am wrong in thinking that staying inside the family is more important than adopting them out together.  I don’t know.  But I know that if they are in our family they would always be loved and cared for and they have history with us.  We know who they are and we know their past.  Why would you throw all that away?  We are heartbroken.  I don’t know how much more I can continue to fight when in the end the goal is to take these kids away from the family.  I am fighting a losing battle and it just really fuckin sucks.

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8 Comments

Posted by on May 23, 2013 in children

 

8 responses to “Heartbroken

  1. Portia

    May 23, 2013 at 1:52 pm

    I’m so sorry for this I’m sorry and truly Heartbroken for those children for you for him for your family. The system is unfair very unfair and it’s sad to say most likely they will NOT get adopted as a sibling group, it’s sad to imagine little man having to grow up in the system until he’s practically a non-adoptable teen with trust & insecurity issues because of the system!! The courts know nothing what is good for a child psychological & emotional well being, these kids have no voices and its a shame! Kicking crying screaming not to go back and you having to deliver him or “return” him to such a place is ludicrous outrageous and a damn shame. My good friend has been a foster mom to over 40 plus children, she’s an amazing woman and how she’s dealt with the system and their crooked ways for so long is beyond disbelief. If I can offer an comfort and peace any words to you and your family it would be to hug one another tightly, pray and never give up!!! Feel free to contact me for support an ear a shoulder or mom support! Thinking of you all!!

     
  2. 2aussiemammas

    May 23, 2013 at 4:00 pm

    I’m sorry to hear about this, how sad 😦

    I absolutely agree that the siblings should be left together (I grew up with only one of my three siblings and it was awful) BUT they should have made this intention clear in th e beginning and even let him stay until they could find someone who could take all of them.

    I hope you all find peace and the children find stability and happiness x

     
  3. Dawn Pelkey

    May 23, 2013 at 7:21 pm

    I know this is all very frustrating for all of us, but we need to have faith that God knows what he is doing.

     
  4. gaybyjourney

    May 23, 2013 at 9:59 pm

    I am heartbroken for you and the kids! I really hope those kids find happiness and come out the other side strong and resilient kids!

     
  5. KJ and the Kids

    May 23, 2013 at 11:55 pm

    I am so sorry ! Sending lots of hugs to you. and prayers for those kids.

     
  6. Lindsay Hollett

    May 24, 2013 at 10:36 am

    How you described having to take him back is just gut wrenching. I can’t imagine the pain (and frustration) of that moment.

     
  7. The Mommaleh

    May 24, 2013 at 4:21 pm

    I am so sorry. I don’t even know what else to say besides that. That, and it sure seems like they aren’t thinking of what the child/children want at all!

     
  8. Joe

    May 27, 2013 at 12:07 pm

    I wish I knew why the courts thought the way they do. Honestly, I think that if the children are inside the family, they should not waste any time in placing the kids. It should be, “Oh, family members want to take them in? That’s awesome!! Complete the paper work and get this done!!” I don’t understand why there is such a big strain to keep them together. Being apart from my siblings for the six years that we were apart was the best thing that ever happened to us as far as our relationships with each other goes!! I really wish they had some first hand arguments here. I would definitely be willing to testify to split the kids up and keep them in the family. I was only with two of my siblings at two different times when I was in the system. We didn’t stay together long because nobody bothered to keep their eyes off of the paper. It is sad that even in a different state and a different circumstance, that they are doing the same thing.

    Another hing that ticks me off is that they cannot even tell the children, or at least the oldest child, what has been going on. I am really not happy with that. It is not fair to the children that they have absolutely no clue what is going on in the case. If they talked to the eldest kid, he would probably have told them, “As long as I can talk to and see my brother and sister on a regular basis, place me with my family.” It is sad that the court doesn’t take into consideration the fact that these kids would have their own opinion about the situation and therefore they don’t talk to them.

    All I ever knew was, hey your sisters are graduating and we get to see your family. Hey, your brother is moving to the group home below you. Hey, your brother is getting out of this place before you, and by the way, you have an aunt and uncle that are considering taking you in so you are going to be visiting with them a lot. This has already been a long drawn out process for the kids because they are not being told anything by the case worker or the court or anyone else. It is sad, but hopefully the court will sooner realize that they are gambling with these kids’ emotions for the sake of keeping them together. It is not worth doing this for the slim chance that they have of finding a family that will take in three children. It is hard enough to find a home for one.

     

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